Recent events

So many strange and unexpected things are happening around me..............
Bloody hell!!!!!
Safin lost in Monte Carlo, Bercelona ,Boris Yelstin passed away while I was sending birthday wishes to my friend Zito, then 24 hours' later my dearest cousin Juan's grandma was taken to the heaven, uncle William ("Wave") fell into depress, auntie Marsha was in coma for 3 hours....... what do you want me to do? There is only one Lena at the moment, I am suffering a broken heart too.....
To the sake of God, only a hack would believe that Dima and I broken up our long term relationship------even cousin Dennis heard this, he was crying over the phone....... gggkkkk
Everyone including myself and Dima himself were waiting for me to become Mrs Arapova next year, but its life, things happened....It was the 1st time uncle Pavlo shouted at me " you bloody idoit"!
It was normal till 19th March, while me, Dima along with my parents were holidaying in St Petersburg.....
I decided to break up this relationship, where i believed there is no more passion driving around.
re-capping everything happened during the past.................. Dima and I met almost 10 years ago, dating for 8 years and 8 monthes, living together for past 5 years! we were or can i say we are still pretty much in love..... Dima helped me walk out of the mud of being a chain smoker from 17-18 yrs old. ......Helping me handle my stress at medical school, he was often greeting me with his warm kisses while i came back from work..... He was my 1st boyfriend what so ever....... I shared my 1st hug, 1st kiss even my 1st night with Dima, vice verse...... I would always love to be a good housewife to prepare him the best and most fresh food daily, washing his jeans and iron his ties, even spend some quiet time with him at home, sitting on the sofe, leaning to each other..., or having our friends around or welcoming our guests from other countries.... etc
I must confess, i am a bad woman, i am kind of person that i would give up everything to do what I would like to do, especially on a matter of "love" or "passion" ----I do not or maybe i will never understand what is "a simple happy life"--- I am a Gemini, a bloody hot blooded Russian......
I confess-------------pray to Lord Safin............
I totally fall onto that Argentine wild boy named Carlos (kalos)........... I just can not help! I remembered it was at Jose& Andrea's so-bar, they suddenly played a song called "besame mucho"
Besame besame mucho,
Each time I bring you a kissI hear music divine
. So besame besame mucho,
Yeh I love you for ever Say that you'll always be mine.
Dearest one,
if you should leave me
Then each little dream will take wings And my life would be through.
So besame besame mucho, Yeh I love you for ever,
come true.Love me for ever, Make all my dreams come true..............................
Imagin it was in Spanish......... with their sexy voice..
I fall onto Carlos, totally....... my eyes, my emotion, my body,,,everything and everywhere.......... I could not stop thinking about his so not innocent light colored blue eyes, his long wavy blond hair................. I felt his passion, his warm body temperature, his expressive face, even his totally funny Spanish accent.............
In his car, that mid-night, i was helpless while watching my skirt got lifted up.......... all i know was his lips hot like fire.....
i was totally into him.....
I felt guity when I drove home leaning over Dima's loving body, i know i am not a good "wife"...... still, i would imagin it was Carlos while I kissed Dima good bye as i leave to work..............
everything around me, i could smell a bit of Carlos, i don;t know why............................
Am i in love? please, dont Lena..!!!!!!!!!!! Carlos is a womaniser like your own brother Kostya! Please Lena.................
Then ...................
I am changing! i kept questioning about my own relationship with Dima, i returned him our engagment ring, there is no point that i am marrying him and thinking about another guy on daily basis....... I will not be Dima's good wife, what so ever......
I do not even want to kiss Dima, only if i imagin he was Carlos............................ Would Carlos give me a secure love life?????????? No bloody hell way!!! he'z as playful as my own brother.... I know ir, consider how many women ended up broken heart and get dumped..........
I just can not control myself............ I can never have enough Carlos............
Believe me, I love Dima, i really do..................................... just his charactor does not fit my mood.... i need passion, i need to be a wild girl, i am a gemini bitch, i can not have one thing for too long...................
Dima and I finally decided to seperate---------its called "take a break"------- i was about to sell the house that we bought together, but for so long, we were trying to avoid each other,,,,,,......
for 1st serveral days back Melbourne, we hated to see each other, pretty hard..........trying to avoid going back to the house we shared for so long...................... trying to stay outside as much as we both can.........
Then Dima started leave some breakfast to me as he leaves to work early...... I started to cook some good dinner and wait for him come home........... still has to talk about the seperation, i feel sorry for Dima...there is no point that i am thinking Carlos all day and all night, and live with a different guy..........shit!!!!!!
to seperate is hard! we shared almost everything.........especially our rabbits Sasha and Maria and 3 dolls.............. NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am mad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Carlos has been chasing me like a fool, he spoils me as much as a guy could do to a girl........ i felt like that i am back to 1st love, i would love to let him have everything he wants to have from me....flowers are filled in my working desk, perfumes, heels (my fav.) even lace clothes ...... as to avoid Dima, i stayed with Carlos for a week till now, we could make passionate love, 3-4 times a day, mad mad mad........... its not a holiday time, i am in a bloody working force....
I am such a bad bitch!!!! I am just broken up with Dima and nothing has been finalised..... i am started making out with Carlos!!! what do you want me to do???!!!! i am so can not control myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I will miss carlos if I am at work or I dont get to see him over lunch break! but the more i am doing this, i more guilty i feel--------------- i could cut myself into pieces when I think about Dima...... It seems that i am on drug or what so ever.....both emotional pathways drove me mad!!!!!! I would work like a crazy mechine during the day and make love with Carlos like a despert bitch at night....... trying not to eat, sleep or having time without anyone, i would think about Dima otherwise.... I hattttttttttttte myselffffffffffffffffffffffffffff!!!!!
Dima called me, 6pm today, i was about to go to Carlos's place, but i went back home....
we had the most honest heart-to-heart talk, where both of us were crying, huging to each other.... I know that i dont really love Carlos, only attract to his physical part! Dima and I could not seperate........... I confessed to Dima what has happened between me and Carlos, there is no point to hide, he knows me better than anyone.......... :{{{{{{{{{ meanwhile, i told Dima i still love him, i'd love to be his wife again next life......... He said he can forgive me, only i decided keep the house we bought together.........
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I don't know!!!! i am soooooooooo bloody confused! Can not wait Cousin Dennis and his partner Chella visit us! Maybe he could help out!
Jesessssssssssssssssssssssssss! I need time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
God, please tell me what to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gracias!!!!!!!!!